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Archive for the ‘Citizen’s Desk Reference’ Category

CDR: Universitorienteritis

August 16, 2019 Leave a comment

Universitorienteritis is the inflammation of small minds within an academic environment.  It is most commonly caused by undercooked food for thought contaminated with ideologenic microbes such as Bacillus Marxis, Diversitatia, Equalinella, Genderidium, Justica Socious, and Revovirus. Symptoms include delirium, emotional cramping, mental dehydration, and mob fever. Treatment with measured doses of reality is the most common and effective cure.

See also, AngeurysmEconoenteritis, Revovirus

CDR: Gendiarrhea

July 19, 2019 Leave a comment

Gendiarrhea is the condition of excess gender fluidity exhibited by having three or more sexual identification choices offered on a form used to gather personal information. It often persists in social media and government bureaucracies and can result in dehydration of common sense.  Signs of dehydration often begin with loss of rationality and irritable behaviour. This can progress to decreased procreation, entropy of ethical norms, mental rigor mortis, and a decrease in social responsiveness as it becomes more severe.

The most common cause is an infection of the educational bowels due to either an ideological virus, political bacteria, or social sciences parasites—a condition also known as universitorienteritis. These infections are often acquired from textbooks or lectures that have been contaminated by feces, or directly from another person who is infected.

See also, Angeurysm, Demphysema, Necrotizing Polititis, Revovirus

CDR: Twitourette Syndrome

July 5, 2019 1 comment

Twitourette Syndrome is a common neurosocial disorder with onset in adolescence, characterized by multiple social media tics. These tics characteristically wax and wane, can be suppressed temporarily, and are typically preceded by an unwanted urge or sensation. Some common tics are tweets, Facebook posts, Instagram pics, blog posts, YouTube videos, and memes.

Twitourette’s is defined as part of a spectrum of social media disorders, which includes political, cultural, and ethnic (racial) tics. Tics are often unnoticed by casual social media users and are typically diagnosed by alert social justice warriors and trigger-sensitive snowflakes. While the exact cause is unknown, it is believed to involve a combination of ideological and emotional imbalance factors.

In most cases, medication for Twitourette Syndrome is not necessary, but often recommended. Re-education, public shaming, deplatforming, boycotting, censorship, and banishment into the cyberspace equivalent of leper colonies are the most common treatments, particularly for sufferers deemed “politically incorrect.”

U.S. President Donald Trump is often cited as the most famous person exhibiting Twitourette Syndrome. He has yet to seek professional help for his condition.

CDR: Gendiarrhea

June 7, 2019 Leave a comment

Gendiarrhea is the condition of excess gender fluidity exhibited by having three or more sexual identification choices offered on a form used to gather personal information. It often persists in social media and government bureaucracies and can result in dehydration of common sense. Signs of dehydration often begin with loss of rationality and irritable behaviour. This can progress to decreased procreation, entropy of ethical norms, mental rigor mortis, and a decrease in social responsiveness as it becomes more severe.

The most common cause is an infection of the educational bowels due to either an ideological virus, political bacteria, or social sciences parasites—a condition also known as universitorienteritis. These infections are often acquired from textbooks or lectures that have been contaminated by feces, or directly from another person who is infected.

See also:  Angeurysm, Demphysema, Revovirus

Psorielectorisis

May 10, 2019 Leave a comment

Psorielectorisis is a long-lasting autodemocratic disease characterized by patches of abnormal voters. These political patches are typically red, dry, itchy, and extremely irritable, causing general personal and organizational dysfunction.

Psorielectorisis varies in severity from small, localized bureaucratic patches to complete body politic coverage. Perceived psychiatric injury and imagined social injustices can especially trigger psorielectorisis mob changes in public spaces. Extreme cases are known as the Trump phenomenon.

See also, Necrotizing Polititis, Politanomaly Trichromacy, Revovirus

CDR: Polititosis

April 26, 2019 Leave a comment

Polititosis is a malodorous personality disorder found predominantly in persons who passionately purport to “serve the public,” especially in and about capitol buildings and government executive offices. In about 90% of genuine polititosis cases, the origin of the odor is in the mouth, typically manifesting itself in foul pronouncements regarding public policy, political opponents and the relative intelligence of the unsupportive segments of the electorate. Other factors may also contribute to the overall stink, including an abscessed conscience, unclean financial accounts, cognitive decay, and lesions on the soul.

The intensity of polititosis may vary depending upon the election cycle, typically intensifying just prior to the casting of ballots. The condition is thought to be aggravated by the hypoxia resulting from the rarified air found at the peak of the pedestals upon which sufferers place themselves.

The disease is propagated largely via Mainstream Media. There is no known cure and the condition has been known to persist into retirement and, in many cases, even beyond death.

See also:  Irritable Bureaucrat Syndrome, Necrotizing Polititis, E. poli

CDR: Password/PIN Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

April 17, 2015 Leave a comment

Password/PIN Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) may develop after a person is exposed to one or more major stresses due to traumatic internet denial encounters, customer service insults to their intelligence, cyber terror lockouts or physical hardware abuse malfunctions when attempting to login to an email account, social networking profile, on-line banking service, on-line retail store, stock trading account, music/video/ebook streaming service, blog, HealthCare.gov, or any information, entertainment, news or pornography site.

Password/PIN Traumatic Stress Disorder is classified as an anxiety disorder in the DSM IV. In the typical case, the individual with PTSD initially exhibits symptons similar to amnesia and Alzheimer’s by mentally voiding all thought, memory or recollection of a previously entered password or personal identification number triggering a significant stressor event, which often results in confusion, frustration and rage, leading to socially inappropriate reactions, such as profane and violent outbursts, and causing clinical impairment in significant areas of web functionality.

PTSD causes biochemical changes in the brain and body that differ from other psychiatric disorders such as major depression. Individuals diagnosed with PTSD respond more strongly to a dexamethasone suppression test than individuals diagnosed with clinical depression. In addition, most people with PTSD also show a low secretion of cortisol and high secretion of catecholamines in urine, with a norepinephrine/cortisol ratio consequently higher than comparable non-diagnosed individuals. Translating this reaction to human conditions gives a pathophysiological explanation for PTSD by a maladaptive learning pathway to fear response through a hypersensitive, hyperreactive, and hyperresponsive HPA axis. In layman’s terms, it is always the user’s fault.

Basic counseling practices common to many treatment responses for PTSD include education about the conditions and provisions leading to web surfing safety and identify theft protection, but only intense and mass quantity infusions of alchohol and/or recreational medications have demonstrated any relief for individual sufferers. With many chemical interventions, residual symptoms and side effects (See Hangover) following treatment is the rule rather than the exception.

See also:  AngeurysmGoogliarrhea, Telourette’s Syndrome,

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