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Lucifer’s Lexicon — Mainstream Media

March 3, 2017 Leave a comment

Mainstream Media — a tragic waste of protoplasm and electrons.

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Categories: Lucifer's Lexicon

Lucifer’s Lexicon — Privacy

September 23, 2016 Leave a comment

Privacy — With regards to government, a concept sacred in the bedroom and the womb, but non-existent in the bathroom.  See Gender, Sex

(Restroom Door Signs – Page 1 of 5)

The following are 58 gender options identified by ABC News:

  • Agender
  • Androgyne
  • Androgynous
  • Bigender
  • Cis
  • Cisgender
  • Cis Female
  • Cis Male
  • Cis Man
  • Cis Woman
  • Cisgender Female
  • Cisgender Male
  • Cisgender Man
  • Cisgender Woman
  • Female to Male
  • FTM
  • Gender Fluid
  • Gender Nonconforming
  • Gender Questioning
  • Gender Variant
  • Genderqueer
  • Intersex
  • Male to Female
  • MTF
  • Neither
  • Neutrois
  • Non-binary
  • Other
  • Pangender
  • Trans
  • Trans*
  • Trans Female
  • Trans* Female
  • Trans Male
  • Trans* Male
  • Trans Man
  • Trans* Man
  • Trans Person
  • Trans* Person
  • Trans Woman
  • Trans* Woman
  • Transfeminine
  • Transgender
  • Transgender Female
  • Transgender Male
  • Transgender Man
  • Transgender Person
  • Transgender Woman
  • Transmasculine
  • Transsexual
  • Transsexual Female
  • Transsexual Male
  • Transsexual Man
  • Transsexual Person
  • Transsexual Woman
  • Two-Spirit

Source:  http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2014/02/heres-a-list-of-58-gender-options-for-facebook-users/

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Categories: Lucifer's Lexicon

Fed Raid Shuts Down Local Business

August 19, 2016 Leave a comment

Mudcat Falls Masthead for WP - 500w

MUDCAT FALLS — A SWAT team comprised of agents from the United States Department of Agriculture and the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission descended upon RK Meat Packing Company following up a complaint of discrimination and unfair business practices in violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Armed with statistics from the Civil Rights Division of the Department of Justice and sworn affidavits from the Co-operative of Lesbian Agricultural Professionals, the search warrants served declared the company has a long history of purchasing a disproportionate percentage of livestock from non-LGBT farmers and ranchers.

“Nearly 10 percent of all same-sex couples in the United States live in rural areas,” explained Alicia Fingletart of CLAP. “Big Ag should not be allowed to bully us any more, so the government should force them to do business with us just like bakers and wedding photographers.”

RK Meat Packing of Pistol Creek Junction is one of the nation’s leading suppliers of hot dogs and beef products to public schools, universities, professional sports venues and convenience stores.

“The Office of the Assistant Secretary of Civil Rights, in collaboration with the National Center for Lesbian Rights and CLAP, is engaged with LGBT rural communities across the country to teach lesbian and transgender hillbillies how to get subsidies from the government,” the USDA said. “We are working hard to share information relating to policies, programs, and services that exist to protect, promote and strengthen LGBT rural communities.”

“We categorically deny any wrong doing,” said attorney Steve Dallas on behalf of RK Meat Packing. “I don’t care how Cow mounting cowmany government subsidies a supplier gets, at the end of the day, they must be able to provide the products we need to nourish the nation—especially school children.”

Dallas rudely insinuated that CLAP farmers who elect to impose their personal lifestyles on their animal husbandry practices might not be able to grow their herds sufficiently to meet the nation’s insatiable taste for hot dogs and sausages.

“Gender identity” and “gender expression” are part of the USDA’s anti-discrimination policies.

All the Fits as News to Print

Serving Mudcat Falls Since 1854

www.mudcatfalls.com

Lucifer’s Lexicon — Social Media

August 12, 2016 Leave a comment

Social Media — A digital mirage of humanity for those who obediently color inside the lines.

Facebook Block Notification

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Categories: Lucifer's Lexicon

Lucifer’s Lexicon — Candidate

July 8, 2016 Leave a comment

Candidate— In politics, a self-proclaimed “can do” person who won’t once they have won election.

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Categories: Lucifer's Lexicon

PETA Protest “Crackers”?

June 17, 2016 Leave a comment

Mudcat Falls Masthead for WP - 500w

PISTOL CREEK — Flush with victory over Feld Entertainment, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals picketed the Pistol Creek Walmart Store to protest the sale of animal crackers.

In March, after 145 years of featuring elephants in its circus acts, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey announced that it will retire its elephant herd by 2018. A PETA press release claimed credit for overturning nearly two centuries of big top tradition.

“We have cut the head off the snake,” declared Hillary Hickums, President of the Mudcat Falls Chapter of the animal rights activist group, “and now we must reverse over a hundred years of corporate brainwashing of our children.”

Animal biscuit crackers have been made and distributed under the National Biscuit Company banner since the late 1800s. In 1902, animal crackers officially became known as “Barnum’s Animals” and evoked the familiar circus theme of the Barnum and Bailey Circus.

Hickums explained that “dangerous and destructive attitudes of human superiority” which are planted in young, impressionable minds lead to animal abuse in society and antithetical feelings towards vegans in general.

Olivia Munn FurThe cookie aisle in Walmart was ringed with counter protesters from a group identified as Cracker Lovers Against PETA.

“For crying out loud, who are these people who have nothing better to do than spoil everyone else’s fun?” asked an angry white woman, who identified herself as the leader of CLAP. “My kids love them and nobody’s going to mess with this momma bear’s cubs.”

Although largely peaceful, the demonstration was briefly interrupted when paramedics were called to treat a protester who fainted at the sight of a Walmart customer exiting the store eating a Slim Jim.

PETA is known for its “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” ad campaign.

All the Fits as News to Print

Serving Mudcat Falls Since 1854

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Study: New Disease Worse than AIDS

May 27, 2016 Leave a comment

Mudcat Falls Masthead for WP - 500w

MUDCAT FALLS — Researchers at the Mudcat Falls Community College School of the Psychiatric and Medical Arts have identified a local man as “Patient Zero” in what they claim is a growing pandemic of a new autoimmune disorder raging through our society like a wildfire through old growth forest.

“Post Traumatic Hypochondriacal Stress Disorder can effect anyone with a television, radio or Internet connection,” declared MFCC Brevet Professor Gunther Uberflassen at a press conference yesterday. “So, we need to alert the public that virtually every man, woman and child is at grave risk of illness, death or worse.”

Medical Fear AdMore commonly known as “Worrywart Syndrome,” the anxiety created by an obsession with real and perceived threats to an individual’s health ironically causes an eventual collapse in the body’s ability to fight off disease.

Gila Bend resident Wally Soonyam succumbed to pneumonia in 2012, but a thorough audit of his browsing history, TV viewing habits, favorite talk radio shows and smart phone news feeds revealed an alarming pattern of over exposure to medical warnings from university studies, public health service announcements, CDC advisories, Mayo Clinic Minutes, WebMD searches and pharmaceutical industry advertisements.

“We have found a direct correlation between the cummulative effect of an overdose of unsolicited medical advice and a person’s state of health,” explained Uberflassen. “Being bombarded twenty-four hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year with warnings to be alert to the symptoms of everything from Restless Leg Syndrome and Work Shift Disorder to heart attack and stroke eventually takes its toll.”

Uberflassen’s research has been funded by Pfizer, which is developing a Zoloft variant to treat PTHSD.

Dr Elliot ReidGenerically known as sertraline, the drug was introduced to the market by Pfizer in 1991. Sertraline is primarily prescribed for major depressive disorders in adult outpatients as well as obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder, in both adults and children. In 2013, it was the most prescribed antidepressant and second most prescribed psychiatric medication (after alprazolam) on the U.S. retail market, with over 41 million prescriptions.

“We are completing our FDA clinical trials and making the media buys for our marketing campaign,” said Pfizer spokesman P.T. Merriweather. “We fully expect physicians to be writing prescriptions by the end of this year, which is good news for consumers who take their good health seriously.”

Sarah Chalke played Dr. Elliot Reid on the television series Scrubs.

 

All the Fits as News to Print

Serving Mudcat Falls Since 1854

www.mudcatfalls.com

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