Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Darwinism Has To Go

MUDCAT FALLS — A student group calling itself the Comintern of Liberals Against the Patriarchy gathered outside the Mudcat Falls Community College Biology Department demanding that the sciences be freed from domination by white European males.

“The evolutionary playing field needs to be leveled,” exclaimed CLAP Secretary General Rachel Sanger through a bullhorn to the crowd of nearly a dozen protesters. “I stand here today to draw the line in the dustbin of history and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny…equality today…equality tomorrow…equality forever.”

The students presented a petition signed by a consensus of Social Scientists, Women’s Studies Professors, and Planned Parenthood professionals calling upon the Administration to cleanse the Science Department syllabi from all references to Darwin’s Theory of Evolution on the basis that competence is an unfair measure for sustainability and merely a dog whistle to Trump Deplorables to justify the class-based discrimination of fascist billionaires.

The petition also called for the Louis Pasteur Biology building to be renamed Lysenko Hall.

“Can there be any clearer symbol of White Privilege,” said Sanger, “than naming a building after the man infamous for making milk pure?”

White privilege (or white skin privilege) is the societal privilege that in some countries benefits white people over non-white people, particularly if they are otherwise under the same social, political, or economic circumstances. Academic perspectives such as critical race theory and whiteness studies use the concept to analyze how racism and racialized societies affect the lives of white or white-skinned people.

“Based on the performance of their sports teams, I can understand their hard-on for competence,” said Pistol Creek University football headcoach Woody Lombardi, whose Bulllets have winning record of 112-0 over the Mudcat Falls Gourds.

MFCC Chancellor Wiley Latrans promised his administration would take CLAP’s petition under advisement.

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