The Loved One Online

MENLO PARK — A Silicon Valley start-up is promising to solve Facebook’s “living dead” problem.

“It is estimated that nearly 30 million users of the social media giant have gone tits up and 8,000 more die every day,” said Harry Glenworthy, founder of Cyber Souls, a digital mortuary service.

A consensus of experts warns that by mid-century the deceased will outnumber the living on Facebook—if global warming hasn’t eradicated mankind from the planet by then.

“All these stiffs weigh heavily on Zuckerberg’s bottom line profitability,” explained Glenworthy, “Dead people may be able to vote, but they tend not to click on Facebook ads.”

Cyber Souls offers traditional funeral-type services, including cremation of social media accounts, embalming of online posts and selfies, and interment in Whispering Glades, the company’s Internet cemetery.

“The great thing is that we’ll never run out of real estate to plant these guys,” noted Glenworthy.

The company is planning an IPO in the near future.

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