Big Push for New Local Drug Jobs

MUDCAT FALLS — Big River Pharmaceutical has announced a major expansion of the Research and Development team at their Gila Bend facility.

In addition to the usual scientists and chemists, the company is establishing the first-of-its-kind Center for Latin Apposition for Pharmaceuticals.

“CLAP is a center of excellence for the naming of new drugs, explained company spokesperson, Hannah Semordnilap. “With so many new products being developed and marketed, it has become increasingly difficult to come up with scientific-sounding names which can clear a trademark search.”

Big River Pharmaceuticals will be staffing the Center with dyslexia suffers to greatly accelerate the process of devising new drug names like Tadalafil (Cialis), Adalimumab (Humira) and Aripiprazole (Abilify).

In another innovative move, the company is scouring the bottom of Amazon Kindle best seller lists to hire authors whose books are ranked 2,000,000 or higher.

“We need these types of writers to help compose our packaging copy,” said Semordnilap. “You don’t think we actually want people to read our side effect warnings, do you?”

Writers should send their resumes to HumanResources@HookedOnBigRiverDrugs.com. Dyslexics should apply in person.

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