Home > Mudcat Falls Hometown News > A Shocking New Source of Green Energy

A Shocking New Source of Green Energy

Mudcat Falls Masthead for WP - 500w

WASHINGTON DC — The Green New Deal proposed by Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez includes funding for a “moon-shot” scientific effort to harness a radically new source of clean energy.

“The shock caused by static electricity reveals, like, how you can have more power at your fingertips than you ever imagined,” explained Ocasio-Cortez recently at SXSW. “And, like, best of all, this new source of energy is there even if the wind isn’t blowing or the sun isn’t shining.”

Static electricity builds when electrons leap between two objects that have opposing electrical charges. A stunning handshake occurs when one person has a negative charge, and the other doesn’t.

“As you walk across the floor, you become full of electrons,” said Professor William Kemmler, from the Electromagnetic Compatibility Laboratory at Auburn University. “Eventually more electrons don’t want to come up on you because you’re so charged up. You end up with a high voltage, about 20,000 to 25,000 volts.”

The New Green Deal earmarks $500 billion dollars for infrastructure spending to develop wool-based clothing which is cool enough to wear in the steadily rising temperatures scientists all agree is caused by global See the source imagewarming and offers companies generous tax breaks for replacing tile and hardwood floors with carpeting.

“Twenty thousand volts is, like, a lot, especially when you think that, like, a whole house runs on just one hundred and twenty-volts,” said Ocasio-Cortez. “And with three hundred million people in the United States all wearing sweaters, we would never need another drop of oil to run this country.”

In typically hateful and greedy racist Republican fashion, President Trump tweeted that the idea was “shockingly stupid.”

All the Fits as News to Print

Serving Mudcat Falls Since 1854

www.mudcatfalls.com

_____________________________________________________

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: