First Fact Free Zone Established in U.S.

MUDCAT FALLS — The City Council voted unanimously at last night’s meeting to establish the downtown Barleycorn District as the nation’s first “Fact Free Zone.”

Modeled on the Gun-Free School Zones Act (GFSZA) of 1990, the bi-partisan resolution prohibits any unauthorized individual from knowingly stating a fact or expressing an empirical observation that the individual knows, or has reasonable cause to believe, will cause distress, confusion, intimidation, political unrest, questionable beliefs or anti-social behavior.

“It is a well-known axiom that the truth often hurts, just like guns do,” said Tommy Flanagan, founding director of Citizen Liars to Advance Progress. “Literalism is every bit as pernicious and destructive as racism and must be eradicated from our society.”

CLAP’s zero tolerance efforts to rein in the free expression of inconvenient truths have found broad support among lawyers, advertising executives, newsroom anchors, public relations spokespersons, unions, climatologists, CEOs, journalists, LGBT activists, civil rights advocates, diplomats, teachers, professors, university presidents, celebrities and community organizers. It is one of the very few areas where establishment Democrats and Republicans have been able to find common ground in recent years.

“Really, what purpose is served by harping on arcane facts, such as flaws in global warming models or the Democrat Party’s spawning of the Ku Klux Klan and Jim Crow laws?” asked Flanagan. “Except, of course, for talk radio bullies to thwart every reasonable attempt to improve the lives of all Americans, but especially women, children and minorities.”

The Barleycorn District is a fifty-square block section of downtown Mudcat Falls which contains City Hall, the Calabash County Courthouse, the Calabash Unified School District Board of Education, and the editorial offices of the Mudcat Falls Times-Herald-Post-Picayune-Press-Gazette-Herald-Tribune.

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