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Super Bowl Protest Flushed

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ARLINGTON — Top secret NFL SWAT teams swooped down on and detained protesters seeking to use the world’s biggest sporting event as a backdrop for their protest just prior to kick-off.

Approximately 30-40 members of the Committee for Legislating Athletic Parity were taken into custody and held until late Monday, when they were released nearly six hundred miles away in the border town of Juarez, Mexico.

CLAP has long called upon Congress to force American “Big Sports” to eliminate all championship and all-star games as unfair, unjust and discriminatory, particularly against minorities of mediocre talent, claiming it sets a poor example on equality for the youth of this country and undermines educator efforts to boost the self-esteem of our youngest and most vulnerable citizens. The group also opposes the NCAA Bowl Championship Series and the so-called “March Madness.”

“The last time I looked this was a free country,” said CLAP Chairperson Dr. Leon Icepick, professor of Social Justice at the University of California, Berkeley, in a phone interview from Mexico. “The NFL has to realize that they are not the ones in charge. The United Nations, the Hauge, Eric Holder and the Obama Administration need to step up here and investigate Roger Goodell for war crimes.”

The White House had no comment on the unprecedented and previously unknown rendition agreement between the National Football League and the government of Mexico. Although details are not know, it is rumored that the NFL plays a regular season game at Azteca Stadium in Mexico City, as well as other foreign countries each year as a part of that international sports treaty.

“They are absolutely right, this is a free country,” said Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys. “Dr. Icepick is free to acquire seventy-three acres of land and build his own billion dollar, state-of-the-art facility and fill it with a hundred thousand supporters — though he better think hard about getting himself some better looking cheerleaders than what he’s got.”

Cowboys Stadium, where Super Bowl XLV was played, was completed in 2009 and is reported to have cost $1.2 billion dollars to build.

CLAP has yet to release a policy statement on cheer leading teams.

The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 31-25 in Sunday night’s game.

Icepick and his supporters remain in Mexico.

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