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Recovery Act Stimulates Local Entrepreneur

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MUDCAT FALLS — Federal stimulus money is not only helping the local economy here in Calabash County, it is helping to rescue crippled birds by funding the vision and efforts of a local entrepreneur.

Once shunned and ridiculed by the local business community and citizens alike, Abernathy Guttersnipe is the one laughing now as the Clinic for Liberating Acrophobic Pigeons he founded less than a year ago was recently awarded over $9 million from the $787 billion authorized by the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009.

A familiar site in the Barleycorn District’s Sour Mash Park, Guttersnipe has long been an animal and wildlife advocate, but only recently turned that passion into a business model that has become the hottest startup company in the tri-state region.

“CLAP’s mission is to alleviate the suffering of one of God’s most familiar creatures,” said Attorney Steven Dallas, who acts as corporate counsel and is a majority stock holder in the firm. “We may take them for granted, but Mr. Guttersnipe does not and never has.”

A prospectus for an upcoming IPO explains that the fowl’s phobia of heights leads to its flocking for comfort and protection on and about authority figures represented by statues of public leaders. With the proper care and treatment, CLAP claims metropolitan areas can be rid of excessive droppings, which are a largely a by-product of their fear, saving billions of dollars every year in reduced clean up expenditures and healthcare costs. The specific treatments are a closely guarded trade secret.

“Have you ever tried to get a pigeon to come to an office?” Dallas explained when asked why the company had no physical treatment location. “Mr. Guttersnipe has always preferred field work to being trapped in an office.”

According to Recovery.gov, the government web site which provides accountability for the use of the funds made available by the act, CLAP has saved or created 642 jobs in our area.

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